If you want to understand how something happened, then say that.
If you want a solution to a problem, then say that.
If you want to complain and blame people, then say that.

Do not mix these up, because listeners have a choice.

How to understand problems:
* Identify expectations
* Identify deviations from expectations
* Identify causes of deviations
* Do not reject information you do not understand
* Obtain more information about things you do not understand

How to solve problems:
* Understand the problems fist
* Set new or renewed expectations
* Identify requirements to meet expectations.
* Take action to meet expectations.

How to complain and blame people:
* Ask for understanding
* Refuse to accept information that would help you understand problems.
* Interrupt and tell people how bad they are for the things you do not understand.
* Assume everyone is not telling you the truth.
* Accuse people of being incompetent.
* Notice people walk away and/or hang up the phone.